Is it just me?

Or does the world seem to be going to hell in a handbasket? I really need to cut myself off from all news sources and get a happy little puppy or something cheerful. Just a few of the blurbs that I come across while getting my daily news fix...

1. There's this thing called "Peak Oil" coming our way. Think tank folks have known about it for a good 10 years or more, and it boils down to this. We're running out of oil...and by "we" I mean Earth. Yep, that's right...between planes, cars, back yard grills, and countless other cornerstones of our society...we should be out of oil in about 20 years. That's why there's such an urgent move to invade Iraq. They have one of the last, largest oil reservoirs in the world...and it's strategically too important to not own it. So the US, violating all conventional charters of the UN, invaded a country that had no capability of making war on anyone (let alone the US). Economists..those folks who specialize in Supply and Demand curves...estimate that gasoline right now should cost like $19 a gallon...but because the US exerts so much pressure on the world market...we are able to keep our gas prices sub $3. If you don't believe me, ask a friend in Europe how much THEY pay for a gallon (err...2 liters) of gas.

2. OK...so Oil aside...let's not forget about the home front. Social Security...that tax I've been paying since I was 15...that's going to implode. President Bush told me as much personally in his State of the Union address. "You folks near retirement...you'll be alright...I think. The rest of you...well, we're going to try to pass some legislation that lets you take personal ownership of your retirement planning." Isn't that just a nice way of saying, "Sorry, you're fahked?" OK...so one more lil thing to worry about.

3. Oh yeah, North Korea sent out a mass email. Apparently they are still making lots of big bombs...presumably so they can tell the world that they are still making lots of big bombs. The real scary part of that is that N. Korea can't even afford to give it's soldiers new socks. The whole country is broke, desperate, and (if we believe a certain cowboy) "evil". Now, it seems to me that the whole situation is bad, bad, bad.

4. They dumbed down the SATs. Yep, kids were scoring lower, so rather than hurt their feelings (or God forbid educate them BETTER) we lowered the bar so all those dumb little ADD riddled nitwits can score as high as we did. Thank goodness the rest of the world is lowering their educational standards too....oh wait, they're not. So what exactly does that mean for us then? Yep, our kids will be ever more stupid in an age where improvement in information flow should be making it EASIER to teach. What this country needs is a whole generation of losers that can't seem to hold a job in the face of better-educated foreign citizens to bring to our attention that the US has lost its edge. Thankfully...we're already making the transition from the World's leaders to the world's leading consumers. Within 5 or 10 years...we should be able to just stay in the house full time without ever having to turn off Springer. I'm going to begin working on a DirecTV enhancement that allows subscribers to beam programming directly into the brain. That way, there's no need to get out of bed. Then, and here's the genius part, I'm going to start a pharma company that specializes in medications and treatment of bedsore symptoms. I'll make billions, build a spaceship, construct a biodome on Mars, and claim the planet for my own. Wow...that was a tangent.

5. Anyway, the world is falling apart fast, both at home and abroad. It's all very depressing and makes me question whether I ever want to bring a child into the world...which sucks because I've always thought that being a dad would be one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences ever. All is not lost yet, but geez...some good news would be welcome once in a while.

6. "Bush agrees to throw gasoline on the fire." That's right. Two Nuclear powers have been at each other's throats for the last decade, coming close to war several times. It really has been one of the major nuclear concerns over the past 5 years. I've got a great idea, let's sell F-16s to the neighbor who we've had the worst relationship with in recent history! It's incredible how the security of the world can get sooo bad in such a short period of time. Poor India, they are understandably upset. "The prime minister expressed India's great disappointment at the decision which could have negative consequences for India's security environment ."

7. I caught you a delicious bass.